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19 August 2009
I have such high hopes for myself that sometimes it all seems a little overwhelming. Then when I don't live up to my expectations, I get depressed and shut down, spending hours on the couch with Sparrow watching Baby Signing Time. Which makes me feel worse.

My expectations don't only hurt me, but they hurt my family too. If I expect too much of Sparrow, we both end up frustrated and sad. I have been determined this week to buy Sparrow a set of foam blocks. I want to start teaching him the names of colors, and thought these blocks would really help. Today I stopped to think about it on the way to the store (because, let's be honest, I really needed to pee and I didn't want to make another stop.) Sparrow doesn't care about learning the colors, and he doesn't even really like blocks. He has a set of wooden blocks he already doesn't play with. Also, he would eat the foam. I have proof - he chewed huge chunks out of a foam mattress pad during our RV trip. So what is the point of buying him toys he doesn't need in the name of "education"? Bah.

Sometimes I expect too much of Hawk. I used to be all depressed that he never surprises me with flowers. Oh, woe. Today instead of moping about it, I asked him to please bring me some pretty flowers when I am recovering from my surgery. I even pointed out the kind I would like at the store, so he knows I'm not into roses this time. Does it take away the surprise aspect? Yes, but it's much better than hoping he's going to bring me flowers and being crushed when he doesn't.

For me, I sure want to be able to get up at 6 in the morning and read the Bible front to back and make a healthy breakfast and exercise and keep Sparrow happy, entertained, and learning and keep the house spotless and build up my food storage and visit teach and cook a wonderful delicious dinner and let Hawk relax with his feet up while I bustle about keeping caught up with dishes and laundry and read 10 books a day and write and visit with my online and real life friends and knit 5 baby sweaters and make it to bed by 10, but I'm working on being honest with myself. Lately our days have started at 8 with a breakfast of oatmeal, a trip to the gym for an hour or so, then errands, and lunch. Quiet time is 1-3 (during which time I usually pass out) and then I spend the two hours before Hawk gets home either playing on the computer, playing with Sparrow, or frantically cleaning. Sure, I'd like to be a little more organized and "together." But I'm not willing to kill myself to get to that point.

A little at a time, and if it's not perfect, it's not perfect.

This post brought to you by lack of sleep, too much knitting, and a serious lack of Chinese food.

3 comments to Expectations:

Jeff and Bethany Davis said...

I'm the same way. I bet most people are. I even tell Jeff that I want flowers too, and pretend it's a surprise! We do what we have to! :) Hey, if it gets us the flowers!

Leslie said...

asking for what you want in a relationship is the best way to get what you want! Way to tell him.

Mrs. B said...

I've learned with my husband the best is to tell him what I would like and when and it's worked pretty well.

I dream of being super mom, I can't even keep up with a house with a husband who's hardly ever here.