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Honestly.

18 September 2009
I asked Hawk to take away my debit card for the time being. I don't know when I will get it back, or if I ever will (apart from "needing it" for scheduled trips to the photographer and stuff like that.)

I've been grieving a lot this week. I feel like less of a woman now that I can no longer have children, and since I haven't been able to exercise since the surgery I feel down about myself in general. (I'm allowed to start working out again next week, yay! Never thought I would say yay and exercise in the same sentence.) So today I took Sparrow and went on a crazy shopping spree.

It's really a defense mechanism or something, it makes me feel better for a while until I get buyer's remorse. I'm feeling so guilty tonight and even though Hawk's been nice about it, I can tell he's frustrated. He works so hard to keep our family financially stable and trying to get us out of debt, and I can go blow his hard work in an hour at the mall.

So from now on, I'll be getting the grocery money in cash at the beginning of the week, and that's about it. I do have a monthly "allowance" but I've basically spent every allowance in advance for the next year, so I'm not asking for it anytime soon! If I want to buy something, I have to ask Hawk first. I really like this idea. Even though it's going to be hard to get used to, I think it's going to help us save money in the long run, plus it will keep me accountable and stop me from buying things that I'll later regret.

There are a lot of things Hawk and I don't particularly want to give up as we work to get out of debt. Netflix, eating out once a week, Sparrow's music class, all these things we deem necessary to keep us from feeling like total financial losers. Maybe someday I'll write a post about the awesome money mistakes we've made in our 2.5 years of marriage. In the meantime, keeping the debt card away from me is one of the best ideas I've come up with in a long time.

Do you engage in retail therapy? How do you keep from going crazy with the money card?

4 comments to Honestly.:

Mama Michelle said...

I totally engage in retail therapy! I feel so guilty about it too. I love to clearance shop for clothes for the kids, even though they have enough clothes to last them like three months without washin (besides underwear and diapers).
Me and my husband have been working towards buying a house, and we payed all our credit cards off, yet I already put about 200 on my one card. Ugh.

Valerie said...

Ya know, I think most of us do the "retail therapy" thing from time to time.
When I am really feeling down, and want to treat myself to something fun, I try to keep it small and inexpensive...a magazine, a bottle of nail polish. Just simple stuff that helps without the guilt! That's not to say I never overspend, cause yeah, I do sometimes...I think it's great that you have a plan!

Be good to yourself and be patient with yourself! You've been through a lot, and there's so much emotional turmoil with the mourning.
Hugs to you!

ps. the word verification is mallogic. That cracked me up! (Mall logic)

Kestrel said...

Oh Michelle, I totally know what you mean! Sparrow has so many clothes because I just can't help myself! They are all so stinkin' cute!

Valerie, small things are a good idea. I wonder why I never thought of that. Maybe next time I am wanting to engage in some retail therapy I will let myself pick out a $5 book from Barnes and Noble. Books: the gift that keeps on giving (because you can read them over and over again!)

LCannon said...

since Roland and I have been married, we seek out "free events" from the library or community calenders; we attend the movies on Mondays because it is 75 cents at Valley Fair on Monday nights. And we play LOTS of games. Roland and Jenna would be lost without cable - I on the other hand would have no problem giving up the TV entirely - though I do like the idea of educational programs being available