I've been following PostSecret for almost as long as it's been up. I miss a few weeks here and there, but this week a secret really struck me. It's about a girl who joined the LDS church to marry her husband, and she feels bad because she's faking her faith.
Some of the comments on her blog make me sad. You know, there's the standard anti-Mormon ones that are "the church is a cult! Get out now!" and then there are the really sad ones - real Church members who are being judgmental and downright rude to this poor girl. Wow guys, way to fellowship and bolster up other people's faith and way to set an example for the rest of the world. Sigh.
I just hope that the girl can find the path that will make her happy, be that Mormonism or not.
I used to fake it. Until I moved out of my parent's house at age 19 I faked it. I used to get so angry that our family had so many problems and yet we had to appear perfect at church. My mom would get mad that my dad and I didn't get along and threaten me with the fact that we were an eternal family. Not cool, Mom. It wasn't until I confided in Hawk that he helped me realize that a loving Father wouldn't force you to stay in a family with people who hated you/you hated. Not that I hate my dad, we just don't get along.
At 19 I quit church. I didn't go, I went to Christian churches, I went to a Catholic church, I tried atheism and agnosticism. None of those choices felt right for me. I felt uncomfortable and hollow all the time. I was depressed, I was suicidal some days, I was drowning.
I still feel that way. Sometimes. But I started going back to the LDS church when I was 20, and even though I am still inactive and sometimes have no idea what the people in church are talking about and even though I still have my doubts and questions and such...
I feel happy and complete and full when I am active in my faith. I feel calm and at peace. Most of the time. When I feel like crap, I am able to pull myself out of it by thinking about Christ and reading the scriptures and praying. Do I know, 100% without a doubt that the church is true? No. But the fact that I feel the way I do when I am living the standards of the gospel? That makes it true enough for me.
So um, amen or something.