I've been struggling lately with . . . well, everything. As much as I love Sparrow, the kid is driving me insane. Two years home with him is driving me insane. I feel like I am stagnant, like I am wasting away. I honestly don't know how stay-at-home moms do it - I really, really dislike my life right now. I love that I don't have to work, and I do like being free to run around and do errands and take Sparrow to music class and activities, but everything else is killing me.
Two years is awesome, right? I made it this far. I might revisit the idea of staying home and only going to school part-time after the fall semester. But right now, I just need a break, and school is my break. I know, I'm a freak. It's okay.
I can't help but feel like I've failed as a parent. Moms are supposed to stay home with their kids, if they are financially able, which I am. I am supposed to be teaching him and loving him and playing with him, and here I am jumping for joy at the prospect of leaving him for a bit.
But you know, honestly? I think we're all going to be happier this way. Being busy with school means I'm not going to be at the stores looking for something to do (and thus getting in trouble buying things all the time) so Hawk will be happy, it means Sparrow gets interaction with other kids and better learning time, it means I get to be IN SCHOOL! Whee!!! Studying what I love! Whee!!!!
My courses are all planned out (for now.) I am officially an English major/Editing minor (for now.) I am taking some nursing prereqs just to see if I can get in the program. I still intend to get a degree in nursing sometime in the future, but if I don't get into the BYU program I will just complete my English degree and go to another school when Sparrow is older. My classes are making me squee with excitement. The writing classes are going to be amazing and my electives? Also awesome. Lots of Spanish. Lots of religion courses. Oh, and I am taking a semester of violin lessons to see if it's something I want to pursue.
Man, I love college.
Now let's see if I love it this much when my first midterms roll out.