So, Mrs. Smith brought up an excellent point in her post the other day, about the Christmas spirit. You know, that "Christmas feeling" when it just feels... magical. And it made me think about my own feelings around this time of year.
This year, I haven't felt that magic yet. And thinking back, I haven't felt Christmas magic before the 24th for at least 3 years in a row.
You know what happened 3 years ago?
We got rid of TV. We still have a TV, but only for movies/Wii. As such, I no longer get to watch all the Christmas movies/specials/episodes and COMMERCIALS.
Can it really be that all my Christmas magic feelings were because of the TV? Was it all based off the commercialism surrounding the holidays? Crap!!
I had great plans this year of doing activities, crafts, snow-filled days and hot-chocolatey nights with Sparrow. We were going to talk about Christmas stuff and read Christmas books and yay Christmas and decorate and do everything this year. But then I got hit on the head, and then I got pneumonia, and I am just now coming off of the "always feeling wiped out" part of it. And now Sparrow has a cold too. We haven't had a lot of money this year so I haven't been able to go do as many activities as I'd like, or go shopping as much as I would like (and oh would I ever like!) So what I am saying is, I am having a minor existential crisis because I feel like a Scrooge and I'm worried that it's because Christmas always meant getting stuff and I REALLY need to get my priorities straightened!
And I'm trying to figure out how I feel about Santa - good, bad, or ugly? I'm falling somewhere in the middle of the spectrum here. Sparrow gets a chocolate from his advent calendar every day ("Christmas candy!") and he talks about Santa and can recognize pictures of him, but he doesn't get the whole "Santa will bring you a present if you're good." And I'm not sure I want to do that anyway. Argh. Parenting is confusing.
On the plus side, Sparrow and I have read a few Christmas stories. He has been learning Christmas songs (favorites being "The Little Drummer Boy" and the Hallelujah chorus, and also "Rudolph the Hot Sauce Reindeer," which makes me giggle every time.) He LOVES the Christmas tree being up, and even though our darn cats keep trying to scale the thing/bring us ornaments off it, I do have to admit I like having it up too. It's pretty.
Oh, and I'm a little upset because since I've been sick I haven't been able to sing in a couple of Christmas choirs I was looking forward to, and I was going to sing a duet with my mom at her church a few weeks ago but couldn't do it. Christmas music is something I look forward to starting in September, but I make myself wait till after Thanksgiving to sing/play/listen, so I'm bummed I haven't sung as much as I'd like. And my voice is only just starting to come back, darnit.
I don't know. I just feel like, Christmas is in 10 days, and I want this to be a special time for my family, but I don't know what to do to make it special and I don't want to spend millions of dollars but I do but I can't and I really hope it snows soon because right now it looks like February and that's just depressing.
And let me just be honest - part of me is just so done with 2010. Not a bad year all things considered, but I am really excited for 2011.