Home | Posts RSS | Comments RSS | Login

30 Days of Truth: Day 22

28 January 2011
Something I wish I hadn't done.

I wish I hadn't gotten my tubes tied in August 2009. At the time, I was told if I got pregnant again I would almost certainly die. My first pregnancy ended badly with me very near having a stroke, liver and heart failure, blah blah. We found out in January of 2009 that because my blood pressure was so high during the pregnancy it tore a hole in my heart. I'm on blood pressure medication for the rest of my life because of that.

So I jumped to get my tubes tied so I didn't have to worry about getting pregnant again. Except I wish I hadn't. Even at the risk of my own health, I wish I could have another baby. I want Sparrow to have a sibling and I want another baby to snuggle. Also, ever since my operation I've had severe cramping. Every single day. I never cramped before the surgery. I'm on prescription pain killers every day because the cramping is so bad. My doctor won't do anything about it and the two other doctor's I've seen, one wouldn't do anything and the other said we could try an endometrial ablation but it might not work. If I can't have any more babies, I really don't think I should have to cramp every day. Or go through a period once a month. It's stupid.

I also wish I hadn't been such a moron financially. I had no idea how to handle money when I was younger - in fact I am still figuring it out but at least I have a decent idea now. I spent 6 years screwing around, racking up debt and killing my credit. Oops. I wish I had gotten out of debt before I got married instead of gifting my new husband with $20,000 of money owed. Now we owe more than that because of young-and-dumb mistakes, but we're trying to get it paid down. Ugh.

I really really wish I hadn't dropped out of college, but I already wrote about that.

2 comments to 30 Days of Truth: Day 22:

Jessica Heights said...

I'm sorry for the regret that you are feeling...maybe someday you could have the tubal reversed?

Kestrel said...

Likely not, I'm afraid. There's still the possibility that a pregnancy will kill me, and if not that, I'm a high risk for pre-eclampsia and all sorts of nastiness. It's a bummer.