Something I hope I never have to do.
This might be a selfish thing, but I was thinking about it yesterday and more than anything else, this is what I never, ever want to do.
I don't want to outlive some people.
Hawk, my grandma, my mom, Sparrow, my friends Dove and Owly... I don't want to outlive any of them.
See, each of them means so very, very much to me, that I just don't think I would be able to handle it if one of them died. My grandma is in her 60s and she tells me a lot that I'll be in my 50s at least before she plans on dying. I don't care how old I get, I'll never be able to make it without my grandma. I talk with her at least twice a week, often more than that. I can't imagine not having her there - it is a real struggle to make it when she goes on vacations and I can't talk to her for a week, so there's no way I'm going to let her die. Probably if my grandma tries to leave without me, my heart will spontaneously stop at the same time. We're kindred spirits, and there's no way I'm getting stuck on this earth without her.
Hawk already promised he's going to outlive me so I don't worry about that too much. Dove and Owly are a bit older than me (like by 6 months but still, older), but they're also healthier than me. If I didn't have them around to harass I'd go crazy. My mom is never going to die because she's waaaaay too busy and it's just not in her schedule. Sparrow's gonna be lucky if he lives to see 3...but he will, and he's apparently indestructible so I think we're good on that front.
So there you go. Maybe it's selfish, like I said, but one of these core people in my life dying before I do, that's the scariest thing I can imagine, and I don't ever want to live without them.