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30 Days of Truth: Day 7

13 January 2011
Someone who has made my life worth living for.

Lots of people. I can think of several who I can say, in all seriousness, saved my life. Hawk, Sparrow, Owly, Dove... at various points, the only thing that stood between me and suicide are certain people in my life who love and support me.

But I'm going to depart from what I'd guess would be the normal answer for this question, and say that someone who has made my life worth living for is my biological dad.

When I was growing up and didn't know him, I always looked forward to someday meeting him and seeing who he was and hearing all about him. In 5th grade I wrote a whole journal full of letters to him about my life (sadly I lost it), sometimes the letters were happy and filled with happy stories about my life, and sometimes I was angry and I let him have it! As a teenager when I was facing down inner demons, sometimes the only thing that kept me from doing something drastic was knowing that I hadn't met him yet. Also I hadn't tried haggis yet. But now I've tried haggis so let's just move on shall we?

I was finally able to meet him in the summer of 2006. He and his wife flew me to North Carolina and I stayed at their home and got to know them and my two younger sisters (I also now have another brother.) I was terrified but I'm glad I went and I had lots of fun getting to know my roots, as it were. But things were still kind of awkward between him and me. I'm not sure why, but I think I felt intimidated? I'm not sure how to describe it.

But last year my dad visited for a weekend; he flew out to attend my younger brother's Eagle Scout Court of Honor. I freely admit I may have dad-hogged for much of the time he was visiting - but I can't say I regret it. I finally was able to open up and tell him my feelings - how sad I was as a kid, how angry I was that I didn't have him in my life, how hard it's been... you know, general angsty Kestrel type stuff. And he listened. And when he came out to visit for Thanksgiving, he made time to take me to breakfast on our first father daughter date.

Every time he visits, I get to know him a little better. And every time, I am impressed with how awesome he is and honored that he takes the time to get to know me too. It really bites that he and his family live so far away, but it's probably for the best because I'd be harassing them all the time (especially my 6 year old sister, she is such a sweetie.) But anyway, that's my story. My dad is one of the people that makes my life worth living for - for the excitement and coolness and weirdness and awesomeness of getting to know him and realizing how scary crazy alike we are. I'm glad I have my whole family in my life now.

Hey, I was on some serious drugs during this post so if it doesn't make sense.. sorry about that. Mmm, narcotic cough medicine, delicious.

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