I've spent the last week feeling like I was dying - literally, dying. I'm having discontinuation syndrome from tapering off the Zoloft and starting Effexor. If you thought I was having a hard time in my last post, times those feelings by 3 and then you'll get a general idea of how bad the last week has been.
Today Hawk called my general practitioner's office to add his voice to the whole mess, and let her know how things looked from his point of view. Truly, there have been a few days where I probably should have gone to the emergency room for suicidal ideations, but I didn't because I was afraid that Sparrow would get taken away.
Today my GP prescribed 50 mg of Tramadol for at least 2 months. I don't know if this will be permanent, or if it will just be while my body is adjusting to the Effexor (I know it takes 4-6 weeks for SSRI's to kick in, so I was trying to be brave and suck it up, but oh it's been awful.)
Within a half hour of taking my first dose of Tramadol, I had the energy and motivation to clean. I cleaned my basement, I did the laundry, I organized my craft room, I wrote letters to people I owed letters to, guys - I FUNCTIONED. LIKE A PERSON. I feel a thousand million trillion times better.
I know Sparrow will be happy too - he has his mommy back! And I am so excited to DO things with him. I haven't felt this way in months. I haven't felt excited to play or do activities with him or take him anywhere - and now I am already making plans and feeling excited. I'm looking forward to going to church and playgroup and hanging out with friends this weekend. Hawk and I just talked for 45 minutes about improvements we want to make in our lives - a talk that yesterday I wouldn't have been able to have, because I wouldn't have had the energy, the emotional stability, or even the ability to think clearly enough to articulate my thoughts.
Tramadol is my miracle drug. I am so relieved. I have shed many a tear of gratefulness tonight. I don't care if I have to take this drug for the rest of my life - I'd rather be happy on drugs than being unable to feel or do anything.