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A plea for prayers

28 September 2011
Ladies and gentlemen of the Internets, I come to you today begging for your prayers, your good vibes, your karmatic waves, your universal happy thoughts of support.

Sparrow has been getting progressively worse in his behavior and nothing Hawk and I do is making even the slightest impression on this child.  Were it not for the intervention of my local hospital yesterday, Hawk might have been the one posting this, only instead of a plea for prayers it would have been a plea for donations for my funeral. 

We have an appointment on October 7th with a child-therapy group, and I know if we can just make it there it will be okay.  We may have work ahead of us, we may have scariness ahead of us, but at least the uncertainty that plagues us daily will be gone.  Every day we question ourselves - what are we doing wrong?  What if there's nothing "wrong" with him and he's a normal child and we're just losers?  What why what?

There's something quirky in my cute little son's head.  I don't know what it is.  I suspect many things - oppositional defiant disorder, ADHD, a cozy Sparrow spot on the autism spectrum, even Asperger's.  We need help.  We need help with this horrible child who has been a challenge since he was conceived.

So pray that we all survive till October 7th because seriously, Hawk and I are at the end of our collective rope. 

(P.S. Sparrow got kicked out of his preschool yesterday.  So while that solves some of my parental guilt/dilemmas over him being in there, it also makes it ten times harder - "why is he doing this? what have I done wrong?"  Boy, I sure can't wait till he's a teenager.)

7 comments to A plea for prayers:

Leah said...

Sometimes it's just luck of the draw, sorry to say. It's not necessarily anything you're doing wrong, although Andrew's therapist did help point out some weak spots and how to work with him better, but you can't change the child you got, you can only work with what you were given. And you didn't do anything to deserve it either. It sucks balls, no matter which way you look at it, and it's a really difficult thing to process. I think getting him evaluated is the best place to start. You're getting there.

Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you. You've got all my good vibes, dear.

Much love. You can do this!

Bethany said...

You've got my good vibes too! And my prayers. I wonder almost every day if I am a loser parent. I'm sure they're going to be messed up and it will be my fault. I hope you're able to get some answers and find some peace. Good luck and hugs!

K La said...

Sending all my love

~Kimi~ said...

You were anxiously waiting up in heaven, and Heavenly Father finally said, "It's YOUR turn! Are you ready?" You shouted, "Of course I'm ready, I can do this!" He said, "It's not going to be easy. I've planned some real doozies for you, remember? Remember how we talked about your son? He's such a special boy, but he's going to challenge you to your limits while on Earth. Are you ready for this?" And you shouted again, "YES!!!"

You can do this!!! And by "do this," I mean you can raise Sparrow to be a responsible and caring adult while maintaining your own sanity. Happy thoughts coming your way!!!

rneweyfamily said...

Good vibes and prayers coming from me, too.

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

You can make it, I know you can. Hang in there.

J. said...

I have gluten intolerance and what I've heard in recent studies is that a gluten-free, casein-free diet has helped children with autism reduce, sometimes drastically, their symptoms. I've heard of other success with behavioral issues and gluten-free diets.

I don't know your situation, but if you haven't tried a gluten-free diet, it might help. While I research primarily gluten-free for celiac disease, I've run across online resources for gluten related behavioral issues, so I'm sure you could find some info. Here's one article I saw: http://glutenfreeville.com/research/gluten-and-learning-disabilities

Now I should say, some corners will call all gluten containing grains the root of all evil, but others realize that some of us have physical issues that don't allow us to digest the grain properly.

My family all eat gluten, but I can't, so I don't. As a potential treatment for autism/behavior problems, I figure if there is a problem, a gluten-free diet is worth a shot because it has worked in a lot of situations for a lot of families, not all, but enough to make people take notice of it as a highly viable treatment. Good luck.