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Losing our home

14 March 2012
I have thought of nothing else for 10 days, and it stinks. I can't stop obsessing over it.

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We are losing our home.

We moved into this town house in May of 2009. We spent a year living in a horrible tiny apartment and moving here was like being reborn. There has not been a single day that I have not thought "I love this place." Not one day in 3 years.

We rent this home, because we foreclosed on our house in Arkansas. It is what it is - we were very young and we were extremely stupid when we moved to Arkansas and we made several very, very bad financial decisions. One of which was buying a house without knowing the area, without knowing if we were going to stay where we were. Ultimately we were only in Arkansas for 11 months. Our house there was lovely, but I didn't like it. I wasn't necessarily sad to lose that house, except for the huge impact on our credit score.

So we rent this home through an agency. But for the last several months we've been getting official looking mail - certified mail stuff - addressed to the owner. We don't open it, because that's illegal. We send it to our rental agency and they forward it on. Well, last Monday we got a certified letter addressed to "[Homeowner] Or Occupant." We opened that one, only to find that apparently, our homeowner is $25,213.35 behind on his mortgage. That means he hasn't paid his mortgage in over a year, guys. And the bank is starting foreclosure proceedings.

Now, we can't be kicked out of this place. Not for 90 days. Our contract ends on May 31 and obviously, we're not going to be able to sign another contract. So while I know in my heart that we still have time here, I still ache. I am hurt and betrayed and devastated by the whole thing.

I can think of two things that are "wrong" with this house. There's no water pressure upstairs. And the backyard is shared and neighbors let their horrible dogs run loose and poop everywhere. That's not even a house problem. Other than that, this place is incredible. It's so tastefully done - the paint is all neutral colors with white trim, the car... actually, it's easier if you take my home tour. There are two bedrooms on the top, the main level is our living room and kitchen, and the basement is our family room. This means I get to keep the TV out of the main room of the house which I LOVE. Some days we don't even come down to the basement because Sparrow is too busy playing with his toys on the main level. We have a great deck which we cat-proofed last year so we can all go out there and I can leave our glass door open.

But most importantly, this is our home. This is where Sparrow learned to talk, to walk, to be potty trained!! This is where we started over after our horrible apartment year. Twice our contract has expired, and twice we have fretted about whether or not to move. The first year because of a payment snafu, we were told we had 36 hours to vacate the premises. I spent 30 of those hours sobbing until we got it worked out - and we realized, we have to stay here. The second year, we looked around halfheartedly but when you've got perfection, you don't want to mess with that. So we stayed.

This area has the best ward I have ever been in. My Arkansas ward was fantastic but we moved before I could truly make friends there. This place, is the first place I have ever belonged to a real Church Family. I know almost everyone and almost everyone knows me. I have a relationship with these people. They have watched my son grow up. Sparrow knows them and loves them - he adores my visiting teachers, who are more like my best pals, and he begs to ride in half the ward's cars. I take violin lessons from a wonderful woman and Sparrow loves her son and they are in Primary together. I don't want to leave them. I don't want to move on.

I know that this is an opportunity for me to start over. I know that the Lord might want us elsewhere. But at the same time, I know that He knows that we are at home here. And I can't imagine why He wants us to start over, especially with Sparrow's "disability" (actually, Sparrow would be fine moving somewhere else, he is so friendly. It's me who has severe and extreme social anxiety, and every time we move to a different ward it takes me a good 5 months of being inactive before I can make myself go to Church again because I am just plain terrified of new people.)

So it's hard. I'm trying not to stress. I come from a home that moved 10 times in 16 years. I attended 3 different high schools. I should be used to this. I just don't want to leave. I love our home. I love our lives here. And the uncertainty scares me to death. Also, I just got all my pictures hung 3 weeks ago! Finally! Now I have to start packing them up! Argh!

I'd like to know what happened to my rent money. I'd love to be able to buy this place, even though I have sworn I will never ever buy a townhouse. But we're looking still at 5 years before we can buy, and there are no other places in this area for rent that also allow pets. We'll find a home, and it will be okay. But in the meantime...

I'm in mourning.

3 comments to Losing our home:

Jennifer (Jen on the Edge) said...

I am so sorry about your home. I'll send good thoughts your way that you'll find a new one soon and that you'll be happy with it too.

Mrs. Small House said...

oh Kris, I'm so sorry. Hey! The house next to me is for rent! Come move to Provo!! The landlord will let you garden (and it's fully fenced!)

Jenn3128 said...

OMG. What is happening to you now is exactly why my growing family of 4 are still in a little apartment. I don't trust people to take my rent and apply it to their mortagages. You'd think going thru a rental agency you'd have some sort of protection against this type of thing.

What a shame. I'm really sorry. Lots of good thoughts headed your way.