Home | Posts RSS | Comments RSS | Login

Random thoughts of a Sunday

14 October 2012
I still regret not serving a mission, but I am slowly "getting over it." I understand why the church changed the ages for missionaries but it still hurts. I am focusing on the fact that perhaps my greatest mission will be motherhood. Perhaps someday I will be able to join the Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Maybe my biggest missionary "conversion" will be my own self. I would have liked the experience of serving, but I chose to get married instead, and I don't regret that for an instant. Hawk is so supportive and has been wonderful as I moped about this week. I love him immensely and am grateful to have him in my life.

I was going to get my ecclesiastical endorsement from my stake president today (a form that says I behave myself so I can attend BYU without causing them troubles.) But I guess the amount of new missionaries has messed up BYU's enrollment plans for next semester, because I went to print the form off and applications are not being accepted "until further notice." Bummer.

Sparrow had a screening for early intervention preschool through our school district on Friday. It was eye-opening. On the one hand, he is SO smart. He knew things I didn't even know he knew. I certainly didn't teach him. He did great at spatial reasoning (I suck at that), repeating ideas from a story, pointing out bigger/littler/which is faster, etc. He could repeat sentences (of course he could - we spent 3.5 years trying to get him to STOP repeating word for word what we said to him!), he impressed the teacher with his counting skills (he can count to 101 and can recognize pretty much any number - today he pointed out number 174 and I almost fainted.)

At the same time, it was saddening to see what he could not do. He could not focus, sit still, or follow instructions the first time. It's hard to tell whether he couldn't really follow directions or if he was being manipulative and not doing what he was supposed to just because he didn't want to. I think it was probably a little of both - he knows good and well what he should do, but he decides he doesn't want to and doesn't cooperate. That was hard to see. I sat quietly and didn't look at him during the process because I didn't want to interfere. That was the hardest.

So, we have an IEP set-up meeting on October 25. Hopefully we can go about getting him the help he needs.

There are many things I regret about my early 20s. I sometimes wonder if I will be allowed, after I die, to look at that time and see what would have happened if I made different choices. I doubt it, because these are the choices I have made. Still, it would be cool.

My 26th birthday is coming up next month (on Election Day. Those presidential candidates are totally going to ruin my day.) I am working on setting some small goals for both my 26th year and for before I turn 30. Lately I have felt stagnant and useless. I think having stuff to work toward would help. As a child, I never pictured myself in my late 20s or 30s or older. I thought I'd die or disappear before I turned 21. So being "this old" is hard for me. I'm going to start working on goals so that I have things to look forward to. And so I can set a good example for Sparrow.

Some of my goals include: start learning violin, get to a healthy weight healthily (with Hawk's help), start school or take an independent study course, and before I turn 30, buy a house. Also, survive Sparrow. That's probably my biggest goal right there.

1 comments to Random thoughts of a Sunday:

Allison said...

And I support you 500% as you work toward all of these goals. Let me know how I can help, seriously. I know I can't do very much from way over here, but... I want to do something!