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Still alive.

19 February 2013
Don't you hate it when people don't update their blogs? I hate it. I looked at the date last time I updated and then I had to go cry because I've become one of those things I hate.

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It's been a busy, busy, busy month. I am still going to school which, frankly, is a miracle. Attending full time has been amazing but also very stressful. I haven't been this busy or this stressed in years. I am having an absolute blast, though I do enjoy complaining a lot. I love school. I love learning. I love doing my homework. I love being in class and making friends and getting to be a Real Live Adult. I love commenting and answering questions and doing well on tests (do not so much love sucking at tests. sigh.) I love the struggles.

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My hardest class is Linguistics. It is lots of turning words into mathematical equations, which I have a hard time with. Two weeks ago I got a 96% on a quiz, though, so I'm not totally sucking. I am struggling with my religion class quizzes for some reason. I also have a very hard time on my Spanish tests, though I do really well on homework assignments and in class. My Literary Theory class is going very well. I love learning Spanish. I am starting to enjoy linguistics but it's a serious struggle every day.

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The other thing I am struggling with is the social aspect and the getting-up-and-going aspect. I haven't had to serious go somewhere every single day in over 5 years. Having to be at school every day at 8 a.m. is very hard for me. It's only a 40 minute drive but I am so bored doing it. If I miss a day, which I have, I have a hard time going back the next day because I'm scared and the social anxiety takes over my brain. I have been doing all right, but I could be doing better. Last week I missed two days and it makes me feel guilty and sad. I missed today because I was very sick and I am miserable. Not because I'm sick but because I missed school. I feel guilty and upset and like a failure because I missed one day. This is not good. But it is motivation to keep going.

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Our little family took a trip to Disneyland to celebrate Sparrow's 5th birthday last month. It was one of the best experiences of my life. And of Sparrow's too. The employees were absolutely phenomenal and so wonderfully nice. It is hard to travel with an autistic child because ... it just is. It makes it harder because Sparrow is so smart and looks so normal that people think we're "faking" his autism. But dude, Disneyland. It changed my life. I almost cried of joy a few times. Sparrow loved the rides and the people and everything. His favorite rides were the Tower of Terror and Space Mountain. He hated the Fantasyland rides - go figure. He got to meet Snow White, got to be a Jedi and fight Darth Vader, and got to conduct the Disneyland train.

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It was just incredible. We're already planning our next trip (to Disneyworld, for Sparrow's 7th birthday.)

Time to do more homework!

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This is possibly my proudest moment as a parent. You fight that Sith Lord, Sparrow!

5 comments to Still alive.:

Ange Bendixsen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ange Bendixsen said...

You're amazing! Hang in there! I always felt the hardest part were the first 6 weeks-of any adjustment. Sometimes though it seems like the first year is too. You're doing awesome and we're so proud of you. I also think you take amazing pictures-especially of Sparrow. I don't think I could ever take them that good! Maybe you should take a photography class if it fits in with your credits. You're such a natural when I look at all your pictures.

Bethany said...

We might still be here for his 7th birthday! If so we'll join you at Disney World! :)

mormonmomandhermusic.com said...

Wow! Way to go!! It was difficult for me to go back as a "mature" adult, but I pushed through-- and SO CAN YOU!
And it looks like you had a great Disney vacation :) Happy!

Mrs. Small House said...

Wait. Did you just say you hate me? ;)
Life does make it hard to blog, but I love when you do and won't hate you when you don't.
I don't "do" Disney. But those pictures almost make me want to.