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Blessings blessings everywhere

02 March 2013
It's the little things that get me, people. These little blessings I receive daily that I don't pay enough attention to. So here I am, calling myself out to accentuate the positive. Some things that have happened this week:

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I lost my wallet on Wednesday. I was at BYU in the Student Center and left it in the bathroom. I walked all the way across campus to the testing center to take my linguistics midterm, realized the wallet was gone, and trekked back over to the Wilk to find it. The entire time I prayed that I would find it. I had just withdrawn $40 in cash and it was in the wallet, along with all my cards and temple recommend. But when I got back to the Wilk, my wallet was exactly where I left it. I am confident that it had been seen, but not touched. And that is why BYU is awesome. And also why I was witnessed in the girl's bathroom in the basement of the Wilk saying a prayer of gratitude on Wednesday.

I studied my pants off for my linguistics midterm and I may have passed it. Woo!

057 This picture is from last February but I had to post it because look at those eyes!

Sparrow was finally approved to start taking an extended release formula of his medication. He started ADHD medication in January and he improves about a half hour after he takes the pill. The improvement lasts for 2-3 hours and then he is back to hanging off the ceiling. His school has seen massive amounts of improvement, which is fantastic, but they get the nice Sparrow and he comes back home and the medication has worn off and then I lose my patience within 3.4 seconds and it's not nice for anyone. So he started the new meds today and he gets a BIG THUMBS UP from me and Hawk. Let's hope we continue to see an improvement. I could really use some improvement with this kid so I don't feel like the worst mommy in the world anymore. (I'm kinda mean to him. I need to be more patient. I hate being patient. I want to be good at being patient RIGHT NOW. I don't want to have to DEVELOP patience! Ugh!!!)

20130215_200041 Apparently, this is a bunny face. The more you know.

This week I was truly thinking of withdrawing, though. I'm not doing well on my tests and I don't know what my grades will be like but they probably won't be very good. And it's hard. It's hard to learn this stuff and hard to deal with the stress and the panic attacks of doom. But as I was preparing myself to walk to the registrar's office to ask them about the withdrawal process, I remembered how badly I wanted to be in school, and how I've wanted this for so long and here I finally am. And I remembered - my biological father was able to give me my very first father's blessing from him back in January, the day before school started. And in that blessing he said that the Lord was mindful of me - that the Lord wants me to be in school, and that I am where I need to be, and if I trust in Him and work with Him, I will be okay. What an incredible promise (and what an incredible blessing that was. I am so grateful I had the opportunity to receive that blessing, which was even more special since it's the first father's blessing I've had in 6 years and like I said, the first one I've ever received from my bio-dad.) So I'm still enrolled and I have decided even if I end up failing my classes and my grades are awful and I get kicked out - so what? I'm still learning. Maybe I don't test well, but I try my very hardest and I do my best on every assignment I am given. And I love this learning stuff.

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Four generations of fun!

My favorite class is still Spanish. I can't believe how much I come away with there. I've started reading simple children's books in Spanish - stuff published for 6 year olds - but I GET it! I can read it! I have been listening to Spanish music and radio and I CAN UNDERSTAND THE WORDS. Sometimes I start thinking in Spanish. It's so cool. I have always wanted to live in a Spanish speaking country. It is my dream to take Sparrow somewhere for 3-6 months and just live like real people. I really want to go back to Guatemala, but now I'm interested in Spain too. And Mexico, to learn more about my stepdad's native country. And Paraguay, where my brother is serving his mission. I want to go everywhere and I want to talk to all the people. Even though I can't really talk well in Spanish yet. At least I understand it! And my other classes are good too. I don't necessarily enjoy Critical Literary Theory but at least Linguistics has started to get a little more understandable.

IMG_2863 7 years ago this month Hawk and I started "officially" dating.

More blessings - Hawk. Hawk is the biggest blessing ever. He has been so patient with me and my anxiety and stresses and not cleaning the house and etc. I wanted to make treats for my Spanish class for Friday morning, and I planned on making cookies and muffins. So on Thursday I wake up from a nap and I'm dying of the plague. Fever, chills, cough, the works. But I can't NOT go to school - I promised my friends I would bring treats! And I had a midterm to take too. So Hawk helped me make all the treats, which was a lot of baking, and then this morning got up early to drive me to school so I wouldn't have to carry it all in by myself. Then he drove back to Draper while I was in school, picked up my anxiety medication, and brought it back to Provo for me. And then he took care of Sparrow all day while I sat in bed bemoaning my fate. (I took that midterm with a 100 degree fever. By the end, I gave up. I left 3 essay questions blank because I just couldn't think straight. Ugh.) Hawk is amazing. I wuv him. Also, he puts up with my random freak out sessions. Last week I started bawling because I'm going to graduate. IN TWO YEARS. "I don't want to graduate!" I wailed. "I'm so happy at school! I never want to graduate!" "Uh... can we worry about this in 2015?" Hawk said. Sheesh.

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Finally, today is the 1 year mark since Daniel left on his mission to Perth, Australia. I love that kid so much and I am dying missing him. Sparrow talks about Uncle Daniel all the time. We both miss him immensely. I am so proud of him - he is setting such a great example for Sparrow. Sparrow has a map of the United States that he carries around with him and the other day he would point to the different states and say "Mom, if the prophet asks me to go here to Maine on my mission, I will go to Maine. If he asks me to go to Montana, I will go to Montana. If he asks me to go to Alaska, I will go all the way far far far away to Alaska and it will be cold!"

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Meanwhile, Tony will return home in June from his mission to Paraguay. I am excited to see him again. I don't think Sparrow remembers his Uncle Tony very well, if at all, but I hope they have a chance to connect and grow close once Tony comes home. I can't wait to meet Tony at the airport! I am already planning what to have on his welcome home sign! I just peeked at Tony's blog which I keep for him, at this entry. When I translated Tony's Spanish the first time, I relied pretty heavily on Google Translate. Reading his Spanish now - I totally could do a better translation job now. I know what he's saying! And I know which conjugation form thing he is using! Wow! (I keep a blog for Daniel too. His is here. Of the two of them, Daniel is definitely the better writer. Tony hasn't emailed me in weeks. Like he's got anything more important to do than to email me. Pfft.

091 Bamboo doesn't like it when I study.

If you have made it this far into my ramblings, I would like to reward you. I will teach you to say "to meow" in Spanish. It is "maullar." (mao - yar. I could totally write this out in phonetics too - yay linguistics!) I learned this word two weeks ago and seriously walked around for several days going "maullo! maulla! maullas! maullamos! maullais! maullan!" Hawk was concerned for my mental health. But now you, and I, know what cats say in Spanish. Maullar. Best word ever. My life is complete. When I move to a Spanish speaking country, at least I will able to communicate with the gatos there. Such a relief.

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